I love him so much.

I want to give him everything and more.

R.W.Emerson

"Those who are esteemed umpires of taste, are often persons knowledge of admired pictures or sculptures, and have an inclination for whatever is elegant; but if you inquire whether they are beautiful souls, and whether their own acts are like fair pictures, you learn that they are selfish and sensual. Their cultivation is local, as if you should rub a log of dry wood in one spot to produce fire, all the rest remaining cold. Their knowledge of the fine arts is some study of rules and particulars, or some limited judgment of color or form, which is exercised for amusement or for show. It is a proof of the shallowness of the doctrine of beauty, as it lies in the minds of our amateurs, that men seem to have lost the perception of the instant dependence of form upon soul."

This is exactly why I'm as real as I am, I don't ever pretend to know more than I really do, and I never try to make it out to be like my tastes are more refined than the next person. Some people are all about watching foreign films and burning incense, talking about nonsense - I can't even tolerate that shit! It doesn't impress me! Like fuck off I like double big macs and back to back episodes of what not to wear.

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Which can be both a good and a bad thing.
There are so many people out there to fuck (up) with.
How can one ever hope to feel special enough when competition is so great?
It can't feel good to see someone you like being chatted up by a dozen others not unlike yourself.
It's like I'm talking to someone else right now
but I'm only talking to myself.
Sometimes I need to be cryptic with myself so that my own heart doesn't burst from a breakthrough.
I'm not special, I'm no better, but I should also remember that I'm no worse.

I'm kind of pleased that it's working now.

The more I mention his wife and kids, the more I put him off.

I'm actually interested in what I'm about to write for school!

I'm supposed to be outlining instances of upward mobility in my family.
I've put a Matthew Effect sort of twist on as well, my parents had definitely gotten some positive opportunities thrown their way in their youth that (as a result) snowballed into larger ones.
I'm not too pleased with writing 20 pages of this but I know I can do it, as I've done so many times before.
I wonder if my mom and dad's occupations fit on the SEI index?...
I found two CV's for my grandma and grandpa on my maternal side as well as some job records and school report cards which were really quite adorable to look at. I'll use the information from those in my paper in some way, it's unfortunate I really can't go past my grandparents - I only have a vague understanding of my great grandparents.
One Irish girl in class could trace her family back to the 1600's which I thought was amazing.
White people keep detailed records in leather bound family bibles.
Many Indian people are too busy trying to make ends meet to focus on where they came from.

The way I am now.

I try really really hard to love everyone.